The first time I asked for volunteers, two people willingly raised their hands. The next time, not one single person in the group would agree to volunteering. What had happened?
I was doing a session on Diversity with 16-18 year olds on a ‘Get ready for Work’ scheme. I wanted to show them the strength of the power of belonging to a group, what it is like to excluded and what people who are excluded will do to belong. I asked the two volunteers to stand to one side while the rest of the group made a circle linking arms. The people in the circle were told that they were to keep the others out, while the volunteers where instructed that they were to try to get into the circle using whatever means they could – without using force or tickling! They walked around the circle asking, cajoling, begging, offering to do whatever the group wanted in order to get into the circle, but those in the circle refused.
I then asked the circle to open up and let the volunteers in and asked for two more people to be on the outside. One after another they all declined. Not one of them was willing to step outside of the circle and face the experience of being excluded, of begging to get in. It was a striking illustration to me and also to them of how strong our desire to be included is. As we debriefed the group we examined questions like: What did it feel like to be excluded? What would you have done to be included? What did it feel like to be a part of the circle? At this last question the answer was strong, safe, secure etc, but some said they felt uncomfortable in excluding the others. When I then asked why they had not said so and why they had not suggested to their fellow group members that they let the outsiders in, they replied that they had been afraid to suggest a change, afraid of what the others would have said, afraid to be different, afraid they would have been put out with the other outsiders.
This is not just something that is so strong among teenagers, it is also true among professional adults who fear what will happen to them if they speak out about something they feel the group should not be doing.
Dan Ellsberg was the man who exposed the lies that had started and perpetuated the US war in Vietnam. Reflecting on this experience after he had stood up and spoken out he said:
I was a leper with a bell around my neck. I’ve come to realise the fear of being cut out from the group of people you respect and whose respect you want and normally expect. That’s what keeps people participating in anything, no matter how terrible. The courage we need is not the courage, the fortitude, to be obedient in the service of an unjust war, to help conceal lies, to do our job for a body who has usurped power and is acting as an outlaw government. It is the courage at last to face honestly the truth and the reality of what we are doing in the world and act responsibly to change it.*
*Quoted from Dan Ellsberg: the Most Dangerous Man in America, a documentary shown on BBC4
For an interactive fun session on Diversity and dealing with difference see Diverse by Design
